So, it has been forever since I have written on this thing. I have blogged quite a bit on a private blogspot used mostly as a journal but I guess it is time to come out of my shell. A lot has gone on in the past year, six months, weeks, and even day. Mostly, I have changed. I am not sure I have changed into what I want to be, but I know I am headed in the direction of being who I need to be.
My one and only priority right now and forever is my family. Family is a interesting word for me. I means so much, and yet so little.
"The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other's life. Rarely do members of one family grow up under the same roof."
I have spent countless hours these last few months evaluating who I am, who I have been and who I want to be. Honestly, I have not been a great person. I have done some horrible things. I have been dishonest, untrustworthy, and down right horrible. However, I have also been strong, amazing, and courageous!!! So from here, I am learning from the mistakes I have made, and relying on the strengths that have gotten me through them and moving on. Some people believe in God (I am not sure if I am one of those), some people believe in others (I know I am not one of them), and others believe in themselves. I am on the path of learning the believe in myself. Learning not to let myself down, and to be the person that can make me proud. I no longer wish to worry about what others think of me. I know what they think, and it isn't good! But if somehow, someway I can live up to what I know my true potential is, then it doesn't matter what anyone thinks!!!
So, to my Family. Madux will be 7 next week. Honestly, I have never met a kid like him in my life. He is so kind, caring, sensitive and smart. He is excelling in school. He is part of the new Duel Immersion program and is learning Spanish in 1st grade. I am amazed by how well he is doing with it and with the whole transition to full time school. Madux is my light! He never forgets to remind me how much he loves me and appreciates all that I do for him! Without Madux I am not sure where I would be.
Miss Mia! Where do I start? You know when you were in trouble when you were little and your mom wished on you that when you were a parent you had a kid that acted just like you? Well, Mia is that wish come true! Honestly, I have learned more about myself from watching that little princess than from sitting on that couch at the shrink. She is a spitting image of myself. She makes me want to be a better person. She makes we want to be a better woman! Mia is BEAUTIFUL! She is a challenge, however there is always a lesson to learn from her. Her favorite days are when we snuggle in bed all day and honestly, it is the best time of my life. She is in preschool 3 times a week and dance class twice a week! She loves Katy Perry, make-up, singing and whining!!! She is a wonderful little girl and the happiness in my life!
Hugh, aka Ugo! Where or where would I be without my Hughbert. If you look up "a true man" in the dictionary you would find a picture of Hugh! This man has done so much for me!
Man, oh man has he forgiven me. There are things that I wish to not share here that have gone on between Hugh and I, however, I do wish to share that excluding my father Hugh has taught me how men are suppose to treat women. How men are suppose to be leaned on and sought out for advice, accountability, and HELP! Help is something that I have never been very good at asking for, but Hugh has taught me that I can't do everything on my own. That I shouldn't do everything on my own!!! I can not express how grateful I am to have Hugh in my life. Yesterday, I heard Madux call him dad, and although he isn't their "blood dad" be has been an amazing father to the two of them. I can never repay Hugh for the lessons that he has taught them about honor, respect and real life! Hugh you are my strength, my hero, my soul mate!
As far as me, I am plugging away. Trying to do the super mom thing Sunday - Thursday and then work my booty off all other times! There is something to be said to a stay-at-home mother. There is something to be said to a working mother. I am trying to do both, grow as a person, and be a wife. I am failing at the moment but will not quit until I succeed!!!
Madux, Mia & Hugh, you are my light, happiness, strength and love of my life!!!