Long Time Coming...

So, it has been forever since I have written on this thing. I have blogged quite a bit on a private blogspot used mostly as a journal but I guess it is time to come out of my shell. A lot has gone on in the past year, six months, weeks, and even day. Mostly, I have changed. I am not sure I have changed into what I want to be, but I know I am headed in the direction of being who I need to be.

My one and only priority right now and forever is my family. Family is a interesting word for me. I means so much, and yet so little.

"The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other's life. Rarely do members of one family grow up under the same roof."

I have spent countless hours these last few months evaluating who I am, who I have been and who I want to be. Honestly, I have not been a great person. I have done some horrible things. I have been dishonest, untrustworthy, and down right horrible. However, I have also been strong, amazing, and courageous!!! So from here, I am learning from the mistakes I have made, and relying on the strengths that have gotten me through them and moving on. Some people believe in God (I am not sure if I am one of those), some people believe in others (I know I am not one of them), and others believe in themselves. I am on the path of learning the believe in myself. Learning not to let myself down, and to be the person that can make me proud. I no longer wish to worry about what others think of me. I know what they think, and it isn't good! But if somehow, someway I can live up to what I know my true potential is, then it doesn't matter what anyone thinks!!!

So, to my Family. Madux will be 7 next week. Honestly, I have never met a kid like him in my life. He is so kind, caring, sensitive and smart. He is excelling in school. He is part of the new Duel Immersion program and is learning Spanish in 1st grade. I am amazed by how well he is doing with it and with the whole transition to full time school. Madux is my light! He never forgets to remind me how much he loves me and appreciates all that I do for him! Without Madux I am not sure where I would be.

Miss Mia! Where do I start? You know when you were in trouble when you were little and your mom wished on you that when you were a parent you had a kid that acted just like you? Well, Mia is that wish come true! Honestly, I have learned more about myself from watching that little princess than from sitting on that couch at the shrink. She is a spitting image of myself. She makes me want to be a better person. She makes we want to be a better woman! Mia is BEAUTIFUL! She is a challenge, however there is always a lesson to learn from her. Her favorite days are when we snuggle in bed all day and honestly, it is the best time of my life. She is in preschool 3 times a week and dance class twice a week! She loves Katy Perry, make-up, singing and whining!!! She is a wonderful little girl and the happiness in my life!

Hugh, aka Ugo! Where or where would I be without my Hughbert. If you look up "a true man" in the dictionary you would find a picture of Hugh! This man has done so much for me!

"He who is devoid of the power to forgive, is devoid of the power to love."

Man, oh man has he forgiven me. There are things that I wish to not share here that have gone on between Hugh and I, however, I do wish to share that excluding my father Hugh has taught me how men are suppose to treat women. How men are suppose to be leaned on and sought out for advice, accountability, and HELP! Help is something that I have never been very good at asking for, but Hugh has taught me that I can't do everything on my own. That I shouldn't do everything on my own!!! I can not express how grateful I am to have Hugh in my life. Yesterday, I heard Madux call him dad, and although he isn't their "blood dad" be has been an amazing father to the two of them. I can never repay Hugh for the lessons that he has taught them about honor, respect and real life! Hugh you are my strength, my hero, my soul mate!

As far as me, I am plugging away. Trying to do the super mom thing Sunday - Thursday and then work my booty off all other times! There is something to be said to a stay-at-home mother. There is something to be said to a working mother. I am trying to do both, grow as a person, and be a wife. I am failing at the moment but will not quit until I succeed!!!

Madux, Mia & Hugh, you are my light, happiness, strength and love of my life!!!

Mom

Happy Halloween!

I forgot my camera but these were taken off my phone. We had a good day. Madux had his first parade at school. It was surprising to see that not a lot of the parents went. He was so cute and because there wasn't a lot of people there they let Mia march along with the other kids. Madux was a HIT!!! We went trick-or-treating a little on Jess's moms street and then they got to come hang out with me. I think their favorite part was handing treats out to the other kids.

Madux's 5th Birthday!!!!!

State Fair 2008!

Make a Smilebox slideshow

My Baby Is Growing Up!!!!!

Today was Madux's first day of preschool. I know, i know, he should have gone last year. But last year was much different than this year so today was his first day. He was so excited. He loves getting out of the house now and loves loves loves new adventures. He kept telling me how he was going to make new friends and he loves his teacher.

Jess and I dropped him off and he didn't even care. Know that this is the first time he has been left with total strangers. HE DIDN'T EVEN CARE! He said he would miss me, gave me a kiss, and then went on his way! 

Mia on the other hand was pissed. She didn't understand why she couldn't stay. She is all women and you can't tell her she's not old enough, etc. She just doesn't have that. So with a lot of bribing we left. Both of us crying!!! (and madux as happy as can be!)

I can't believe that my baby is growing up! However, he melted my heart even more when I picked him up. I asked him if he had a good time and he said "I was so worried about you and Mia without me that I couldn't even have fun." AWWWWW! Isn't he sweet. But he had a good time. I went back to get him early so I could watch and he was singing and dancing.

What a sweet sweet boy!!!!!

(Mia and I wasted time going to the park with the purple slide. Purple is her favorite color and she thinks everything that is purple is hers so she wanted to go on HER slide)

Long Time Coming

So, I had a blog set up before and when things in my life stated getting bad (or I guess I should say worse) I deleated it because my mom tought me (if u know my mom you know she should take her own advice) that if you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all. Well, I haven't had a whole lot of nice things to say over the last 6 months or so. And then today, when I sat at the computer after 5 hours at the pool with the kids I realized that I have a whole lot of nice things to say. So.......... I'm back. 

The two things that I have the most nice things to say about are my two beautiful kids. AKA my two lotus flowers.  I recently got a HUGE tattoo on my back to represent them. I know, probably crazy but in a really weird way it made me feel so much better. 

The meaning of the lotus flower and lotus flower tattoo is:

Lotus flowers are amazing and have strong symbolic ties to many Asian religions especially through india. The lotus flower starts as a small flower down at the bottom of the pond in the mud and muck. It slowly grows up towards the waters surface continually moving towards the light. Once it comes to the surface of the water the lotus flower begins to blossom and turn into a beautiful flower.

In modern times the meaning of a lotus flower tattoo ties into religious symbolism and meaning. Most tattoo enthusiast feel that the lotus tattoo represents life in general. As the lotus flower grows up from the mud into a object of great beauty people also grow and change into something more beautiful (hopefully!). So the symbol represents the struggle of life at its most basic form.

Lotus flower tattoos are also for people who have gone through a hard time and are now coming out of it. Like the flower they have been at the bottom in the muddy, yucky dirty bottom of the pond but have risen above theis to display an object of beauty. Thus, a lotus flower tattoo can also represent a hard time in life that has been overcome.

So, I got it to represent the most beautiful things that I have in my life right now andwill have for the rest of my life. Madux and Mia.